from by Struckout

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Slipcover jewelcase with 20-page lyric booklet featuring 8 local artists.

    Album Art by Sophia Zarders
    Booklet Layout by Carina Taylor

    Booklet Art by Sophia Zarders, Maximo Huete, Jenny Yu, Janet Kung, April Rotelli, Carly Lake, Carina Taylor, and Julia Guzman

    First pressing

    Includes unlimited streaming of What You Deserve via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 10 days

      $8 USD or more 



This is a story I can’t burn
A center I’m afraid of knowing
Preface with excuses long enough
“This isn’t me, I didn’t know”
I’m not that convincing

A body I’ve hated for so long,
My brother’s mind is a mis-wired message of love,
It traps his soul in a film he can’t get out of
Have I said words to reach him?
He’s gotten so close to saying something
I wish I could give him
A breath

My father’s screaming at his son
Two nights later I join him
We don’t know the ghost from him
A name would help so fucking much
A title, a claim to this ghost
“Look me in the eye”
“How could you do this to them? How could you do this to us?”

God I wish I could swallow my words
God I wish I knew it was chemicals

Oh it burns when I talk to him
Every thought I had to hurt him is in his eyes
And I don’t think he knows how much
I don’t deserve the love he’s given me
Every wall in my parent’s home bore witness to what I’d done
What we did
It’s gotten better
But I never said I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m sorry

But there’s no way I could’ve known, and some of it might be your fault, but here’s to trying. I know this is only a part of you, and you are so much more than a burst of chords could ever give you. I see insight in your heart, I see the touches of a family who has only tried to love, and I have nightmares about me losing you before I’ve said enough, I’ve said too much

I wish I could swallow my words
I wish I could swallow syllables


from What You Deserve, released November 21, 2015



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