I'd Hate Me Too

by Struckout

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    Concept & design by Carina Taylor: carinadraws.tumblr.com

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released June 4, 2013

Recorded and engineered by Sammy Rothman at Pancakes House Records
Mixed at Pancakes House Records by Sammy Rothman w/ additional aid from Charlene Gibbs and Daniel Speer (but Sammy did most of it)
Gently mastered by Sammy Rothman

Album art concept by Daniel Speer, w/ drawings by Carina Taylor

All guitars played by Marcus Clayton
All percussion played by James Goldmann
All bass guitar played by Daniel Speer
All yelling & words by Daniel Speer



all rights reserved


Struckout Long Beach, California


Tapes can be found through Funeral Sounds

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Track Name: Anxiety
These are the songs I want to write
I don't think I feel enough of anything
And I don't think I have it in me
To make myself not be afraid
Of my own ambition

My anxiety will destroy me
I've got nothing new to say

I'm calling the shots
I'm taking names
Mine's first
Track Name: Headshot
Wear your heart on your sleeve
Wear makeup and bleed
Just do something other than lie to me

Button up you fucks
You've been kissing too much
Tell me what bands I shouldn't touch

I've got a kanker sore from where I'm biting your style
Suck it dry till it bleeds
You're a cancer baby
A cancer, yeah
My stomach's churning from the reverb you give me

Press your ear to the ground
I need to hear it again
It's not enough
But it could be enough
Here's a love letter
To all the noise
Hope you fucking get it
Track Name: Polaroid Of A Punchbowl
I'm done with self pity
I'm not gonna fall apart again
I'm gonna wait until this means something to me
If it means something to you

And if you tear apart where I've been living
To look for pieces of me
Make sure you burn the city down
So we don't have to talk

I can't look you in the eye
I feel like a kid admitting defeat
Bet you make a lot of people
Feel like that

This means something
It has to
I'm wide awake and I'm uncomfortable
I'm so predictable
Another boy soul searching
Scared and anxious
Why bother?

This is just apathy
Pretending to be something
I am ashamed
Can't I choose to be alright?

It's altogether making me
Really sick of my own skin
My bones are jutting out
My body wants to feel again

Give me a thought that isn't anxious
Or self effacing
Do you trust your friends? Do you trust them?

I'm seeing ghosts of old friendships
Spending time with people who don't
Think about me anymore
I slip into whatever's comfortable and easy
These two weeks are gonna feel strange

Block it out
Block it out to keep moving
Track Name: Wayne Coyne
It's waiting for them
Right under their skin
Just slipping out
Do you even know it's happening?
Is there a person there?
Nothing sounds the same
It's waiting for me
Right under my skin
It's waiting for me
(isn't it?)

Am I a part of it?
Will I say that kind of shit?
Am I in the right?
Please let me stop myself?

Acid took on arrogance
Nothing sounds the same
A subtle incision
A system with a name
It's waiting for you
It's waiting for me
It's under my
It's under your

I heard a person I trusted
Speak with a vicious blindness, said
"There is only the human race
There is only the human race
So yeah
No yeah
I don't believe you"
Track Name: Probably Not
What do I think about a selfish sight?
I'm used to them by now
I've got scenery of my own

I've got this way of living
I keep assuring myself
I am not what I like
There isn't much to me

One polaroid a day
Keeping notes held together
By someone else's drawings
Got an archive of what I used to be
But it's just someone else now

I'll keep asking questions about
That night I spent worried about your life
I left you there with hollow excuses for friends
Your bent body
Your kerosene soaked voice
I should've stayed
But you scared me when I looked into your eyes
They weren't good friends
They weren't very good friends
Neither am I

I'm embarrassed
I'm ashamed of the voice I've used
I've never been funny
At best I've been confused
And I'm scared that the person you might imagine that I am
Is a person worth being around
There isn't a part of me I can believe

Keep it all locked up

Do you remember the first time you wanted a drink?
Do you remember when I almost fell asleep inside your car?
I wasn't sorry then
I'm ashamed now
Track Name: Looking Out/Looking In
This isn't anything I should get used to
But we don't have to talk about that
We don't have to talk at all
I'm pretty sick of introspection

I'm pretty sick of feeling sorry for myself
Because that's just time I get to waste
And being complacent just adds to it all

Every time I make an effort
It just falls apart again
I'm sick of feeling like
looking out, looking in, looking out, looking in, looking out,
Is gonna tear me in half

This is the only thing I know how to do
I don't even do it well
I bring up jokes as a defense
I'm too scared to let you see myself

Too much of anything is wasted looking in
But I deserve it
A little will
What's left anyway
Shades of ex-friends

But all this bitching doesn't matter
Nothing does
Never will
My petty problems don't fit the bill

There's more to me than call outs
I swear to God there is
But who needs that?
Who's got the time?
Wanna hear about an anxious kid?

I'm getting to a part of me
I'm eating at what's left of me
Thank God you don't see me every day
I'd hate me too

I know I'm only human
But there's no movement here
I'm stuck on digging up the past
This is filling up my chest
My lungs, body bursting
This is looking out, looking in, looking out, looking in

Some guy told me to go with,
Best not to, "give a fuck"
It's easy
Well alright
Track Name: Television Shows
Let's be nostalgic for a decade
100 years before we we're born
Live life like the good days
What a fucking joke

They're selling us our parents
Let's keep this shit the same
You all set for the reunion?
That band's circling the drain

We've gotta go back

Buy a fucking T-Shirt
Show that you've got the right taste
Don't forget to fold your arms
I was there for them

Your favorite bands will break up
TV Shows are gonna end
All those books that you put off?
You'll never finish them
Fall in love if you're lucky
Fall out of love again
You're gonna get old

Then you're gonna die
Track Name: Avoiding Parables
Nice guys finish last
You make the rest of us look bad
Not that we're free of your lengthy appeals
You've yet to convince me that there's something you feel

Give me love
Give me growth
Give me something to keep
Give me a mother fucker that I don't want to kick in the teeth

I can tell what you really want
Oh, you're a friend
I'm not innocent
I'm not ok
I'm an enemy you don't wanna have

How may failures have I had?
How long was I a cog in it?
I'm still deconstructing
Still tearing away parts of an insidious machine
It'll never be stripped clean

Not "woe is me"
Because it's not about me
These bones move and so react
I'll take this anxious body and try to shine a light on what is real
And I hope I'm not a cancer
That's not what I came to be
Forgive this
Forgive me

Blood for bruised bodies
Bones for deep cuts
Give me skin for harsh words

I'm just corroding away

I want a massive change in the way you think
You might be wrong
Track Name: Tethered
There are only a few things that keep me tethered to the ground
I was under the surface breaking
This was a big black sea
I couldn't breathe for months
Coming home reminded me of what it was like not to be afraid
The ropes broke
Convinced it was death I cracked open my chest in search of a song
Searched for hours between the marrow and the bones
Tried to find some shred of me I'd forgotten
Molded myself
A laughable cracked version
It didn't work
So I let go

I never really was anything at all

I romanticize the present
Because that's the one thing I can change
I hope you get to see this infront of you
Because it means I'm doing ok
But when this becomes a ghost of who I was
A message thrown forward
A stone through time
Can I hope it's at least a catalyst for change?

Because this all I have to give
This is all I have to give
And this is the only thing that makes me feel like I exist

I'm a sweat lodged racket of sound
I come down to nothing when the day is done
I'm piling words onto three chords
Hoping I'm not doing this wrong
Can I do this wrong?
I'm afraid I'm getting to close to the truth of me
I still call myself kid
Pretty soon I'll be 23
And I'm still waking up scared
I'm still eking out each day
Calling out the friends who left me
Knowing that the door swings both ways
This is all I have to give
This is the only thing that makes me feel like I exist
Pour my art over my flaws